we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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