She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
