What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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