guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
