you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
