It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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