did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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