o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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