The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
