His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
