We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
