Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
