you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
