I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
