***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
