we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
