Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
