Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
