I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im holly from the hills drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
