I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
