this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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