I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
