My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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