You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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