im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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