i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
