your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
