I love black thongs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
