apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
