Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
