Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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