Me too!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
