There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
