Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
