tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
