so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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