Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ladies don't puke and tell
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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