i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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