it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
