I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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