does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
