Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
