remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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