I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
