The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
