the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize