I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
