there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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