So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
