Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize