I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
