That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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