That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
