that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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