Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
