I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
