after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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