Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
