You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
