They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
