You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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