Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
