we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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