could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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