Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
