Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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