You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
