i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize