hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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