I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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