Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The power of my boobs compel you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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