my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
