I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
