Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
