he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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