just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
