Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
