My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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