Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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