Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
