My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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