Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
