I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
