so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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