The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
