idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
