so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
