I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
