Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
