I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
