Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
even my farts smell like vagina
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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