Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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