so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
