That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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