he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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