FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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