I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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