i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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